I woke up at 11am so I didn’t go to church this morning. Surprisingly, I was okay with that. lol.
That mosquito bite from the other day was itching all night at the BBQ. I was pretty good about not scratching it until the very end. And then I woke up this morning to me scratching that one, two on my left arm, one on my foot, and I think one on my neck. I got eaten last night. lol. I also was super buzzed and then crashed because I had two Mountain Dews within a two hour span. (Yes. You can laugh at me.) I had a headache around the time that Jon got there at 8:30pm. But then the party moved inside and my headache went more away. (More away … that doesn’t even make sense.) It was there all night but I think that was due to lack of oxygen because we were all laughing so hard. lol. It was a really fun night.
I’ve been thinking a lot today about Jon and I. I am so relaxed around him, it scares me sometimes. I like who I am with him. I am me. I don’t want to leave. I got kind of got pissed off at Jon and I think I scared him. I … um, said something to forward and he responded (after some thinking) like I didn’t even say it all. It pissed me off that he didn’t say anything. He came over to the hotel and gave me hug. I didn’t want let him go. I hugged him for maybe a minute. Just us standing there, his arms around me, mine around him. I thought I was going to cry. He smelled so good, it was intoxicating. I hugged him tighter and snuggled closer. I don’t want leave. I like it here. There just too much in Utah. Work, although I like my job. Family, I like them too, I just need more space and room to breathe. Church, I am not that good of a Mormon and being here has showed me that I have a lot of work to do. I have no boyfriend, actually my social life is nowhere to be found. I am not as outgoing as I’d like to be. I have been so outgoing this weekend. Actually, this trip is outgoing for me. I like my comfort zone and driving, by myself, 700 miles, to see a guy I haven’t spoken to, or seen, in ten years was big leap out of that comfort zone. I know that I’m going back to Utah changed, more the woman I want to be. When I get back I intend to look into an apartment and move out of my parent’s house. I know that I’ve said that before but this time, I have money, I have the guts to actually tell my parents I am moving out. Not just ask them what they think about it. It’ll probably be a sparsely furnished apartment for a few months but I don’t care. I want to buy and cook my own food, drive my car, come home to my living room, listen to my music as loud as I want (with out disturbing the neighbors of course), and do anything I want. I can go to parties and laugh at the drunken people and not worry about what others are going to think. By the way, I did cry when Jon left me alone again. I closed the door, leaned against it, cried hard … I mentally curled up in ball and physically cried.
It’s 4:42pm. I just talked to Laura for about half an hour and, with her help, I have decided that I need to tell Jon how I feel. I would like to stay here for another day or so, so I can figure out who I am. I can figure out what I want in life and hopefully, he’ll understand and support me and maybe he’ll feel the same way. I am going to go jump in the pool and get these jitters to go away.
It’s 6:30pm and I thought I’d tell you what I’ve been doing. I was in the pool and hot tub for an hour talking to Chad and the rest of the family. I told Chad that I might be taking a few more days to get back to Utah. But also that I didn’t know for sure so not to let Mom and Dad know. After I got out of the pool I called Jon and asked if I could talk with him later about my feelings and why I’ve been so emotional this weekend. He said that would be fine and that he’d give me a call later. I thought I’d let Laura know what was going on so I called her, also to let myself know what was going on because talking really does help. During my phone call with Laura, Jon called so I told Laura I’d call her back and switched over to Jon. He had a few minutes and asked if we could talk right then over the phone and not face-to-face like I’d asked. I took a deep breath, I didn’t know where to start. I told Jon that I like it in Socorro because I’m not tied down by my parents and I am on my own two feet for the first time. I told him about growing my confidence and the leap of outgoingness mentioned above. He understood where I was coming but told me if I stayed that he couldn’t guarantee that he would have time to spend with me. I even suggested going out to eat but he told he was not going to make any promises because he feels bad when he breaks promises. I told that I would do some more thinking about leaving Socorro tomorrow or not and I would let him know. I hung up with Jon, and immediately called Laura back. She had to go eat dinner (which, by the way, is something I should do) so we only got to talk for five-ish minutes. She said that she would call me later when her evening had calmed down. (It being Father’s Day she is spending time with her family.)
It’s 6:50pm and I feel like I am going to puke. I need food. I’ll be back to let you know more.
It’s 7:47pm and I just got back from eating at Arby’s. I am so drained of energy it took every bit of it to get my PJs on. I am going to bed and maybe I won’t hurt so much in the morning. Laura did call me back and I told her I would be headed up to White Rock tomorrow. It’s only a two an a half hour drive so I’ll leave mid-morning.
That mosquito bite from the other day was itching all night at the BBQ. I was pretty good about not scratching it until the very end. And then I woke up this morning to me scratching that one, two on my left arm, one on my foot, and I think one on my neck. I got eaten last night. lol. I also was super buzzed and then crashed because I had two Mountain Dews within a two hour span. (Yes. You can laugh at me.) I had a headache around the time that Jon got there at 8:30pm. But then the party moved inside and my headache went more away. (More away … that doesn’t even make sense.) It was there all night but I think that was due to lack of oxygen because we were all laughing so hard. lol. It was a really fun night.
I’ve been thinking a lot today about Jon and I. I am so relaxed around him, it scares me sometimes. I like who I am with him. I am me. I don’t want to leave. I got kind of got pissed off at Jon and I think I scared him. I … um, said something to forward and he responded (after some thinking) like I didn’t even say it all. It pissed me off that he didn’t say anything. He came over to the hotel and gave me hug. I didn’t want let him go. I hugged him for maybe a minute. Just us standing there, his arms around me, mine around him. I thought I was going to cry. He smelled so good, it was intoxicating. I hugged him tighter and snuggled closer. I don’t want leave. I like it here. There just too much in Utah. Work, although I like my job. Family, I like them too, I just need more space and room to breathe. Church, I am not that good of a Mormon and being here has showed me that I have a lot of work to do. I have no boyfriend, actually my social life is nowhere to be found. I am not as outgoing as I’d like to be. I have been so outgoing this weekend. Actually, this trip is outgoing for me. I like my comfort zone and driving, by myself, 700 miles, to see a guy I haven’t spoken to, or seen, in ten years was big leap out of that comfort zone. I know that I’m going back to Utah changed, more the woman I want to be. When I get back I intend to look into an apartment and move out of my parent’s house. I know that I’ve said that before but this time, I have money, I have the guts to actually tell my parents I am moving out. Not just ask them what they think about it. It’ll probably be a sparsely furnished apartment for a few months but I don’t care. I want to buy and cook my own food, drive my car, come home to my living room, listen to my music as loud as I want (with out disturbing the neighbors of course), and do anything I want. I can go to parties and laugh at the drunken people and not worry about what others are going to think. By the way, I did cry when Jon left me alone again. I closed the door, leaned against it, cried hard … I mentally curled up in ball and physically cried.
It’s 4:42pm. I just talked to Laura for about half an hour and, with her help, I have decided that I need to tell Jon how I feel. I would like to stay here for another day or so, so I can figure out who I am. I can figure out what I want in life and hopefully, he’ll understand and support me and maybe he’ll feel the same way. I am going to go jump in the pool and get these jitters to go away.
It’s 6:30pm and I thought I’d tell you what I’ve been doing. I was in the pool and hot tub for an hour talking to Chad and the rest of the family. I told Chad that I might be taking a few more days to get back to Utah. But also that I didn’t know for sure so not to let Mom and Dad know. After I got out of the pool I called Jon and asked if I could talk with him later about my feelings and why I’ve been so emotional this weekend. He said that would be fine and that he’d give me a call later. I thought I’d let Laura know what was going on so I called her, also to let myself know what was going on because talking really does help. During my phone call with Laura, Jon called so I told Laura I’d call her back and switched over to Jon. He had a few minutes and asked if we could talk right then over the phone and not face-to-face like I’d asked. I took a deep breath, I didn’t know where to start. I told Jon that I like it in Socorro because I’m not tied down by my parents and I am on my own two feet for the first time. I told him about growing my confidence and the leap of outgoingness mentioned above. He understood where I was coming but told me if I stayed that he couldn’t guarantee that he would have time to spend with me. I even suggested going out to eat but he told he was not going to make any promises because he feels bad when he breaks promises. I told that I would do some more thinking about leaving Socorro tomorrow or not and I would let him know. I hung up with Jon, and immediately called Laura back. She had to go eat dinner (which, by the way, is something I should do) so we only got to talk for five-ish minutes. She said that she would call me later when her evening had calmed down. (It being Father’s Day she is spending time with her family.)
It’s 6:50pm and I feel like I am going to puke. I need food. I’ll be back to let you know more.
It’s 7:47pm and I just got back from eating at Arby’s. I am so drained of energy it took every bit of it to get my PJs on. I am going to bed and maybe I won’t hurt so much in the morning. Laura did call me back and I told her I would be headed up to White Rock tomorrow. It’s only a two an a half hour drive so I’ll leave mid-morning.
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