Looking For My Place

I told my parents the other night that I've been looking into getting an apartment. They reacted differently then I thought they would. They understood the need for me to have my own space and for moving out. Dad talked about me going on a mission. He talks about that a lot. At this time in my life I feel like I need to live on my own. Maybe in six months I'll think about going on a mission. That is not where my life is headed right now. Mom just stared at me the whole time while Dad and I were talking. I asked her what she thought about me moving out. She didn't say much. I felt better after I talked with them and knew that they were going to support me and not try to keep me here. I told them I was taking my furniture with me when I move out, seeing as it was gifted to me. I've been looking into getting a one bedroom/one bathroom apartment in Laura's complex. But they are kind of expensive. Maybe I'll look today online for less expensive apartments. I really like Laura's place though.

Come July first I think I'm switching blog places. I haven't decided for sure yet. Now that I'm actually posting a lot I can see that Blogger is a good blog. I just don't like the way the layout is. The design just isn't me. Okay, I talked myself into changing. lol. I haven't been to my new one in a few days ... maybe I should go see if it's what I really want. It's good. The layout is very customizable. I like that. ... Okay, it's official. I'm switching July 1 to a new website. I'll give you a link that day. ;)

And I know I've posted this sign from London before, but it seemed appropriate for today's post. Plus I really like it.

Post Script

I was writing my blogs throughout my trip to New Mexico but due to Internet failure and camera/computer compatibility issues I decided that first day that I would post them all when I got back. So you can either scroll down to first one and read them in the days order. Or click the links and they will bring you to that blog.

By the way, I wore my heart on my sleeve and you’ll probably learn a lot about who I am. I know I did. And if Jon actually reads these I am going to be somewhat embarrassed. lol.

Day One – Driving Back To My Childhood
Day Two – A Dangerous Question
Day Three – Playing New Mexican Chess
Day Four – This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us
Day Five – Really … Driving Back To My Childhood
Day Six – Naboo and Packages

Naboo and Packages

I have decided to go back to Naboo … I mean Utah. I woke up this morning, without the help of an alarm, at 5:15am. It’s an eleven hour drive from here so I thought I’d get an early start.

So I drove and drove and drove … it felt like I was driving forever! I had another mental breakdown when I crossed the Colorado border. I had to check myself. Why was I going back? What am I going to do when I get here? I cried some. I did a lot of talking back and forth with myself. lol. I did get gas once, I think once. Yeah, I stopped in Cortez for gas. lol.

I got back to South Jordan around 6:30pm. I am so sore right now because I’m stiff from sitting in the car for twelve hours.


When I got home I brought all my stuff to my room and opened my packages that were waiting.

Package One: I was really hoping this first one would have gotten here before I left but it didn’t. It got there the same day. I bought a Canon EF 28mm f/1.8 USM lens. In layman’s term … it’s a really nice wide angle lens for my SLR camera. It’s so cool! I’m excited to actually use it.

Package Two: A late (not thought of until the day before I left) birthday gift from Chad. (lol. Love you!) He got me a Sansa Fuse, aka a MP3 player. It has a 4 GB internal memory with the option to put more space using a microSD card. It can also play FM radio, video, and photos. I can’t wait to put some music on it.

Really ... Driving Back To My Childhood

Went to bed at 8pm like I said before. Woke up three hours later. Didn’t go back to sleep until 4:30am -ish. Mosquito bites are going to be the death of me. They hurt so bad. Was on Facebook and taking random photos until I got tired. So five hours later I finally got some sleep again. For one hour. And then a few more minutes until 6:30am. And then slept until 11am.

Something was bothering me, obviously. I knew what it was but I'm scared of what the outcome will be. I had something else to say to Jon that I didn’t know how he would swallow it. I left him a message on Facebook at 11:33am and he responded back around noon. The same time that I left that town. There is no turning back. I can’t retract what I said. Just friends. That hurts.

I checked out of my Holiday Inn Express and left Socorro at noon. I was glad to be leaving Socorro and happy to be heading toward White Rock, 170 miles away. It was just shy of a three hour drive to my old town. The closer I got the more excited I was. Here is the route I took:


It was fun driving here because I saw landmarks that I remember as a kid, namely the Santa Fe Opera House (we went and saw an opera there once), Camel Rock (it looked smaller than I remember but it really does look like a camel), and NM-4 right before you get to White Rock.

And then I got to White Rock. I am amazed at how this place is still the same, yet different. Next to the LDS church there used to be a forest of sorts. Now it’s developed and there is a neighborhood there. And all of the “theme” parks are that plastic rubber playground equipment. There is no Cinderella Park (complete with orange rocking couch, and swings, and the coolest thing here, the merry-go-round thing); it’s rubber ground, no swings, equipment looks funny where the once was a playground with sand. That used to be our favorite park. The one next to our old house is changed to. It used to be Cowboy and Indian Park. And Rocket Ship Park (next to the Smith’s and post office) is still called Rocket Ship Park but the sign is the only thing that has a rocket ship. The playground is the same as all the others. It used to have a metal rocket ship right smack in the middle of the park. I remember it being really tall and it had two slides, one mid way up and one farther up. Actually maybe there was only the one slide. But you could climb (using stairs inside) all the way to the top. And if you were a daredevil like my brothers you could climb to the tip of the rocket by climbing up the inside. lol. I haven’t gone by to see if the “hidden park” is still the same or not. I’m guessing they changed Submarine Park to be like the rest. We never really went to that park as kids. Either we couldn’t always remember how to get to it or it was too far away. One of the two. lol. I just thought it was hidden, you have to go through a whole neighborhood and then a pathway that’s on a dead end. It was really hard to remember how to get there. At least for my eleven year old mind. lol.

But let’s back up a tad … when I got to White Rock I drove around and decided to stop by Overlook Park (which by the way is exactly the same) and took a look at the overlook. lol. I took a few photos. The Rio Grande down in the canyon made me happy.


At that point I called Mom to let her know I was in White Rock. I hadn’t decided where I was going to stay for the night and Mom suggested I talk with the Peterson’s. I drove to Smith’s and got some anti-itch spray because my many mosquito bites were driving me crazy. I decided at that point that I didn’t want to impose on anyone so went and got a room for the night at the Hampton Inn and Suites. (Something funny in Socorro I was in room 128 and here in White Rock I am in room 129, and they are very similar in arranging of the rooms. lol.)

At around 7:30pm I drove by the “boat house” and to the Canyon and took a few more photos. That house, by the way, really does look like it’s a boat. It was awesome as a kid! I also wished my headache would go away because at that point it was turning into a migraine.

Well, one hour later and I’m eating a late dinner and then going to bed.

This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us

I woke up at 11am so I didn’t go to church this morning. Surprisingly, I was okay with that. lol.

That mosquito bite from the other day was itching all night at the BBQ. I was pretty good about not scratching it until the very end. And then I woke up this morning to me scratching that one, two on my left arm, one on my foot, and I think one on my neck. I got eaten last night. lol. I also was super buzzed and then crashed because I had two Mountain Dews within a two hour span. (Yes. You can laugh at me.) I had a headache around the time that Jon got there at 8:30pm. But then the party moved inside and my headache went more away. (More away … that doesn’t even make sense.) It was there all night but I think that was due to lack of oxygen because we were all laughing so hard. lol. It was a really fun night.

I’ve been thinking a lot today about Jon and I. I am so relaxed around him, it scares me sometimes. I like who I am with him. I am me. I don’t want to leave. I got kind of got pissed off at Jon and I think I scared him. I … um, said something to forward and he responded (after some thinking) like I didn’t even say it all. It pissed me off that he didn’t say anything. He came over to the hotel and gave me hug. I didn’t want let him go. I hugged him for maybe a minute. Just us standing there, his arms around me, mine around him. I thought I was going to cry. He smelled so good, it was intoxicating. I hugged him tighter and snuggled closer. I don’t want leave. I like it here. There just too much in Utah. Work, although I like my job. Family, I like them too, I just need more space and room to breathe. Church, I am not that good of a Mormon and being here has showed me that I have a lot of work to do. I have no boyfriend, actually my social life is nowhere to be found. I am not as outgoing as I’d like to be. I have been so outgoing this weekend. Actually, this trip is outgoing for me. I like my comfort zone and driving, by myself, 700 miles, to see a guy I haven’t spoken to, or seen, in ten years was big leap out of that comfort zone. I know that I’m going back to Utah changed, more the woman I want to be. When I get back I intend to look into an apartment and move out of my parent’s house. I know that I’ve said that before but this time, I have money, I have the guts to actually tell my parents I am moving out. Not just ask them what they think about it. It’ll probably be a sparsely furnished apartment for a few months but I don’t care. I want to buy and cook my own food, drive my car, come home to my living room, listen to my music as loud as I want (with out disturbing the neighbors of course), and do anything I want. I can go to parties and laugh at the drunken people and not worry about what others are going to think. By the way, I did cry when Jon left me alone again. I closed the door, leaned against it, cried hard … I mentally curled up in ball and physically cried.

It’s 4:42pm. I just talked to Laura for about half an hour and, with her help, I have decided that I need to tell Jon how I feel. I would like to stay here for another day or so, so I can figure out who I am. I can figure out what I want in life and hopefully, he’ll understand and support me and maybe he’ll feel the same way. I am going to go jump in the pool and get these jitters to go away.

It’s 6:30pm and I thought I’d tell you what I’ve been doing. I was in the pool and hot tub for an hour talking to Chad and the rest of the family. I told Chad that I might be taking a few more days to get back to Utah. But also that I didn’t know for sure so not to let Mom and Dad know. After I got out of the pool I called Jon and asked if I could talk with him later about my feelings and why I’ve been so emotional this weekend. He said that would be fine and that he’d give me a call later. I thought I’d let Laura know what was going on so I called her, also to let myself know what was going on because talking really does help. During my phone call with Laura, Jon called so I told Laura I’d call her back and switched over to Jon. He had a few minutes and asked if we could talk right then over the phone and not face-to-face like I’d asked. I took a deep breath, I didn’t know where to start. I told Jon that I like it in Socorro because I’m not tied down by my parents and I am on my own two feet for the first time. I told him about growing my confidence and the leap of outgoingness mentioned above. He understood where I was coming but told me if I stayed that he couldn’t guarantee that he would have time to spend with me. I even suggested going out to eat but he told he was not going to make any promises because he feels bad when he breaks promises. I told that I would do some more thinking about leaving Socorro tomorrow or not and I would let him know. I hung up with Jon, and immediately called Laura back. She had to go eat dinner (which, by the way, is something I should do) so we only got to talk for five-ish minutes. She said that she would call me later when her evening had calmed down. (It being Father’s Day she is spending time with her family.)

It’s 6:50pm and I feel like I am going to puke. I need food. I’ll be back to let you know more.

It’s 7:47pm and I just got back from eating at Arby’s. I am so drained of energy it took every bit of it to get my PJs on. I am going to bed and maybe I won’t hurt so much in the morning. Laura did call me back and I told her I would be headed up to White Rock tomorrow. It’s only a two an a half hour drive so I’ll leave mid-morning.

Playing New Mexican Chess

Today I woke up at 8:30am. I got in the shower and actually had time to eat breakfast. lol. I wasn’t terribly hungry so I just ate some eggs with salsa and a banana, which was really good. I got a mosquito bite last night near my elbow and it really hurts this morning. Today I thought I’d go check out the plaza that Jon told me about last night.

I am listening to Chess (again). I feel like I’ve listened to this every day since I got it. I think I might have listened to it twice on some days. Like on Wednesday when I actually watched it on PBS. It is an amazing musical. The music is fabulous. It’s right up there with Phantom and Les Mis on my list. Chess is a fairly new one to me so we’ll see if it stands the test of time. So far it’s working for me. (BTW, I love the click of my nails against the keys. I think it is just so much fun. I’ve always liked that sound. People think it’s hard to type with long nails but it really isn’t.) I love Josh’s laugh! “My wife … Come to Bangkok … No.” “Surely you knew.” “I did not!” If you listen to the lyrics of Chess it’s so poignant and deep. I have cried many a times since listening to this musical. The first time, certainly, and when I saw it on TV. Some songs just really get to me. And then when you actually stop and think about what the story is. It’s a tragic love story played out beautifully. I would love to see this musical actually played out on stage, not just the concert version. I wonder why they haven’t revived it. I suppose it’s not known enough to actually have people come and see it for very long. Well, if you get Josh Groban to play Anatoly again I’m sure you’d get every Grobanite to come! lol. The cast of this concert version is great! Josh as Anatoly Sergievsky, Adam Pascal as Frederick Trumper, Idina Menzel as Florence Vassy, Marti Pellow as the Arbiter, Clarke Peters as Walter de Courcy, David Bedella as Alexander Molokov, and Kerry Ellis as Anatoly’s wife Svetlana Sergievsky. With the music composed by one of the finest men in musicals you can’t go wrong. Tim Rice and Björn Ulvaeus and Benny Andersson wrote this musical.

I went down to San Antonio this morning. lol. New Mexico, not Texas, it’s about eight miles from Socorro. Well, actually a little past there to the Bosque del Apache National Wildlife Refuge. It was nice and quiet. Very hot though. I got back around noon. It was a fun two hours detour out of Socorro. There was a cactus garden near the visitor center which I stopped by before I drove the tour loop. Here are some pictures I took.






















I took an hour long nap and headed over to Tami’s at 6 for a BBQ. Jon met us there after he got off work. It was so much fun. I didn’t leave until two in the morning. Everyone was having so much fun. I took a nap during the movie, I think we all did. lol. We’ll see if I wake up in time for nine o’clock church or not. lol.

I talked to Jon via Facebook for an hour, which was a ton of fun. So I didn’t go to bed until three in the morning.

A Dangerous Question

I have had a fun afternoon and evening today. lol. What about the morning, you ask? I have no idea because I was sleeping. I went to sleep last night around 3:30am or 4am. And I woke up 4pm. lol. Jon texted me earlier, six times. “How’s it going?” “Hello?” “Are you awake?” It made me laugh. I usually am pretty quick at texting back. I wrote back when I woke up. I had Sonic for dinner and then wandered around campus this evening. I ate at a park on campus called, Joanne Ford Playground. It was nice to be outside and listen to the birds chirping. I then proceeded to play on the playground and the walked around campus a bit. lol.



Then I went back to the hotel and had a breakdown. What the hell am I doing here? I want Jon. I want to be loved and hugged and appreciated. I shouldn’t have come here. It shows me what I don’t have. Sun. A man. Someone to hold me and hug me. Yesterday when I saw Jon I wanted to give him a hug. And then I got in his truck, smelled his cologne, almost died. He smelled so good! And then while we were watching the movie I wanted so bad to go sit next to him and cuddle. I didn’t. That would have been too forward of me.

Jon texted me and I texted Jon about plans for tonight.

Jon: “You just going to chill at the hotel tonight?” 7:05pm
Krysta: “Maybe. You wanna come?” 7:08pm
Jon: “Maybe. I want to try to get some of my homework done and go to bed early.” 7:08pm
Krysta: “ok” 7:09pm
Jon: “That okay with you?” 7:09pm
Krysta: “In my state of mind that’s a dangerous question … Honestly, no. I want you, Jon.” 7:14pm
Jon: “Hmmmm … now I am in an awkward position.” 7:15pm
Krysta: “Sorry … Do your homework. Come over when you’re done.” 7:19pm
Jon: “I will depending on what time it is.” 7:20pm
Krysta: “ok. Let me know when.” 7:21pm
Jon: “I will let you know if I decide to stop by. I have to be at work at 6:30 tomorrow morning.” 7:22pm
Krysta: “ok” 7:23pm
Jon: “I am not trying to be an asshole. I am trying to get some better study habits and whatnot.” 7:28pm
Krysta: “I understand.” 7:29pm
Jon: “Thank you for understanding.” 7:30pm
Krysta: “;)” 7:32pm
Jon: “If I come by, what would we do?” 8:12pm
Krysta: “Swim, watch random TV, talk … anything.” 8:14pm
Jon: “K. When does the pool close?” 8:15pm
Krysta: “ten” 8:16pm
Jon: “Let me eat and take a quick shower and I will come by and swim for a bit.” 8:17pm
Krysta: “Fun! I’ll be in the pool or my room.” 8:19pm
Jon: “Okay. I will text you when I am on my way.” 8:21pm
Krysta: “fyi, I’ll be in the pool.” 8:44pm
Jon: “K.” 8:50pm
Jon: “On my way.” 8:53pm

We hung out in the pool until it closed at ten and then he went home. He gave me a hug before he left. I didn’t want to let him go.

I listened to Chess (again) while I got ready for bed and wrote this blog.

I don’t have many plans for tomorrow. I’ll go check out Socorro for some good photo ops. We’re having a BBQ tomorrow night with Tami and some other friends. That should be fun.

Driving Back To My Childhood

I left for my rendezvous with Jonathon today at 6am. I woke up at 4:30am so that I could gather the rest of my stuff and be off early. I was aiming for 5am but that didn’t work out how I planned. Hey, an hour behind schedule for my first trip, that’s good. lol. The weather was beautiful! I grabbed my point-and-shoot camera out of my purse just so I could take photos while I drive and that I did. lol. I took a total of 103 pictures today! But you should have seen those clouds! They were gorgeous! With the mist/rain and the sun behind them … I know God loves me because he gives me scenes like this. I even pulled over at one point just to take a photo. lol. I don’t usually do that. Here a few (I mean it!) of my favorite shots of the day!








According to Google Maps I drove 714 miles. I wasn’t planning on going through Arizona at all during this trip but since I didn’t turn when I needed to I ended up taking a different route and going through Arizona instead of Colorado. lol. This is the route I took.


After I got here I checked-in to my hotel and texted Jon, called Dad, and texted Laura to let them know I was here. I brought my stuff to my room, which I really like. Jon took me by Arby’s so I could get something to eat. That sandwich was so good. And the Mountain Dew … that caffeine really hit the spot. It tasted so good! We then went back to his apartment where he finished some homework and I ate while watching some old Knight Rider episodes on DVD. (Jon LOVES that show! lol.) Then we went to his friend’s house (her name is Tami) and watched Top Gun. I haven’t seen that movie in so long. I forgot how good it is.

And now I am about ready for bed. I just have to brush my teeth and give thanks to God for giving me such a wonderful day and then I can let the Groban bite. rotfl. (Umm … only a Grobanite would find that funny. Don’t let the bed bugs bite … Don’t let the Groban bite … or do depending on your mood. lol.)

Baby Shower

We (when I say we I mean Mom) threw Amber a baby shower last night. It was really fun. There were a lot of family was there and a few of Amber's friends. I didn't take any pictures. Amber got lots of cute stuff for Cayden.

Birthday Fun and more

Yesterday was my 21st birthday! I had so much fun!!


I woke up at 6am so that I could get ready for church and be ready for 7am. Why was I up and waiting for 7am? Tennis, of course. lol. The French Open men's finals were yesterday morning. Technically they were in the afternoon. Paris time they started at 3pm. NBC Sports showed the match live. I had to watch it! I was not going to miss Roger Federer possibly win his first French Open and make history. Since Rafael Nadal was knocked out of the running everybody knew Roger had a good chance of winning. The guy that knocked Nadal out made it to the finals to face the Number 2 seed in tennis. Robin Soderling, Number 23, fought hard to be in his first Grand Slam final. Roger won in one hour and 55 minutes with the score being 6-1, 7-6 (7-1), 6-4. That is very short for a final match. I really wanted Roger to win! It is his first French Open ever won in his whole eleven year career! That's something right there. But Roger also tied Pete Sampras for the most Grand Slam titles in men's tennis at fourteen. Roger was so fluid throughout the match. I thought he looked relaxed and ready to play, even in slight rain. ... How about some photos of the greatest French Open ever? lol. They are from the official website.

This was Roger's reaction when he won the match! It was so great!

Robin Soderling and Roger Federer

Roger cried tears of joy when he heard his national anthem being played during the trophy ceremony.

Roger with his prize.


The finals wasn't all that happened yesterday though. I painted my nails while I watched the match. I wanted to paint them red to match my red dress and shoes. My toes are solid red to match my red peep-toed shoes. And my fingernails are so long I didn't know if I wanted to French Manicure them or do all red. I decided to do paint the ends red, kind of like a French Manicure only with color. I did one hand to see if I really wanted to do that. I decided it looked cool so I did my other hand too. lol. I love having long and healthy nails. I can do fun things with them and not worry about them being too brittle. lol. Here is a picture of my fabulous nails:




At church I was put in as the 2nd Counselor in the Relief Society. It was exciting! lol. I have never been in a Relief Society presidency before so this should be a fun, new time. I will be over Enrichment and working with one of my visiting teachers, of all people. I thought that was neat. I know that this calling will be very good fo me. I have been trying to change my life for a while but never really got the courage, no not that ... I never was able to move on. The last couple of weeks I have been praying and looking for ways to improve my life. This calling is a blessing in so many ways. It will help me to be more outgoing because I have to talk and interact with the ladies and others in the branch. I was thinking a lot about this calling yesterday. It's already helped me a lot. For many years I haven't been the best church-goer but I try. Problem is ... I haven't felt anything. I haven't felt the Spirit in my life for many years. I get snatches here and there when I'm doing good but not like when I was little. I have wanted the feeling back, hence the praying. Being called to be a 2nd counselor is an answer to my prayers. I look forward to helping Tami and Amber in their callings as well as growing my testimony.


I took my car to TechnaGlass on Saturday to have them replace the window. I looked at it to see the glass after it was installed and didn't think anything more about it. On Sunday I noticed the the back passenger window wasn't closing right. The rubber that goes around the window to seal it was tucked under the window. I rolled it down and then back up again and it was the same. And I also noticed that the rubber trim around the window was cut and glued above the vent window (that's the one that got replaced). I drove home and showed Dad. He said they didn't install it right. The trim around the door has to be replaced and the inside rubber wasn't right either. The glass is fine but they ruined to rubber trim. So after work today I get to go talk to the manger and say "Look. I paid you $190 to replace this window and I'm not happy with the install. I want it replaced, with new trim, free of charge as soon as possible." No joke! I want it done right away so that (a) it's done right, (b) I have it before New Mexico. We'll see what they say.


On to official birthday stuff ... As I mentioned before I turned 21! I'm legal but I don't feel any different. lol. For dinner the birthday person gets to pick what we have. I chose baked potatoes, steak, and sweet peas. And cheesecake with cherries for my cake. To tell you the truth, when Mom was making the menu on Thursday that's what she wrote down without asking what I wanted for dinner. And then she remembered on Saturday after she went shopping for food. I laughed because that's what I wanted. Her cheesecake had strawberries and blueberries. I asked if we could have cherries too. It was kind of funny how that turned out. lol. As for presents ... I got a blue dress from Chadwick's (really only the cutout from the magazine because it's on backorder), earrings that match, The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas, Keith Urban's latest CD called Defying Gravity, A Target giftcard, scrapbook paper, a flat iron, and my visiting teacher's were kind enough to bring me a gift of bath stuff.


I had a fun day but since I got up so early I was loopy at 9'oclock-ish because I was really tired. I couldn't talk or walk straight and the most random things made me laugh. lol. It reminded me of this video.