Friday, January 09, 2009

Things I have learned from Television and Movies ...

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing parade.
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
8. A man will show no pain while taking a ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
9. When paying for a taxi, just grab a bill at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
11. Mothers cook every morning even though her family never have time to eat. The Mother will not be upset by this.
12. Cars and trucks burst into flames upon impact.
13. A single match flame is sufficient to light up a room.
14. Medieval peasants had good teeth.
15. All single women have a cat.
16. Any person having a nightmare will sweat.
17. One man shooting at multiple men has the better chance of hitting them.
18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be investigated.
19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings-especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
20. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight and use martial arts your enemies will patiently attack you one by one.
21. During a very emotional confrontation it is customary to stand with your back to them.
22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will turn blue.
23. Dogs always know who is bad and will naturally bark at them.
24. When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English.
25. Megalomaniacs prefer to kill using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers, etc.
26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's birthday.
27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.
28. All bombs are fitted with large red LED readouts displaying exactly when they will explode.
29. There is always parking directly outside a building you are visiting.
30. A detective can only solve any case once he has been suspended from duty.
31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone will know all the steps.

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Krysta

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