No Sleep

I am really tired of having no sleep. (No pun intended.) I don't know why I can't sleep I just can't. Last night I only got three hours of sleep and amazingly, today I have been rather sane. lol. Only around lunchtime did I start to lose it. And then I ate and I was fine. But I have been rather quiet. On Friday, I called in and told them I wasn't coming into work because I didn't feel well. I slept until 1:30 in the afternoon. And I did the same thing on Saturday. Am I just getting to much sleep? Is that why I feel so drained and ache everywhere? I have thought before that I might have depression. But I can't figure out why I would have it. ... Actually, this whole paragraph has been a lie. I really do think that I have some form of depression due to all the pressure from everywhere. Some factors that I think have made it worse (and I am in no way blaming anyone!) are: (1) Mom and Dad want me to start dating, (2) Chad and Amber are having a baby, (3) my thoughts are not always the way I would like them to be, (4) I feel I need to move out of my parent's house but have no money, and (5) (the biggest factor I think) I feel very alone. I have tried everything I can think of, within my limited means, to change my life. I have colored my hair, which has helped some. I am planning on buying a SLR camera, which I have always wanted. I try to talk to people, mostly Chad whom I respect very much. I try not to think about anything while going to sleep. Thinking about it seems to make things worse. Last night, around 1:30 in the morning, while not sleeping, I was so scared (for reasons I cannot explain). I was sitting on the stairs (because I couldn't be in my room) hyperventilating and resisting the impulse to run! *sigh* I don't want to live my life like this anymore.