Irritation

I am just so tired today. I don't know why. I really didn't want to come to work today. It's not even noon and I really just want to be somewhere else right now. What I really want is to not be in Utah. I have half a mind to take a weekend road trip somewhere. Any one want to come? Maybe I'll go crash at Chad and Amber's place (with your permission, of course) for the weekend. Even though they just live in Provo I think it might do me good to be away from my parent's. And they can't tell me I can't take the car because it is now solely mine. As soon as I write them a check it will be mine , at least. Which I could do any time they want. I really want to go see Jon in Mew Mexico. That would take nearly 12 hours of driving. I really don't want to take that long of a road trip right now. I want to spend a few days down there not a few hours. So that trip will have to wait for a bit. (If I go at all it will be in June sometime.) This morning I wanted to be there soaking up the sun and relaxing. But this irritation I feel is just not helping my un-relaxed state of mind right now. I want sun, Doctor Who (David Tennant in any form would be nice), and a few days off so I can drive to New Mexico. lol. The more I think about going and seeing Jon, whom I actually haven't seen in ten years, nor spoken on the phone to, the more I think about that trip the more my resolve not to go breaks down. Yes, Jonathan, you read that right. I didn't know if I wanted to see a complete stranger. Hence the sleeping arrangements ... but I feel that I can trust you. Look at what my non-stop giggling is doing to me. I want to come and get to know you face-to-face. But I really think I should wait. But the weather is so nice down there. It was 86 degrees there yesterday, right. I bet lots of sun and great vistas. I miss New Mexico's great vistas and sunsets. And now that I'm older and know how to handle my camera I have wanted to go photograph some place cool. After seeing Becker's blog about Santa Fe I really wanted to go back and see New Mexico. But that doesn't change the present. Anyone have any ideas on how to get this stupor of thought and feeling to go away? I just want to cuddle up in some one's arms and cry. I really feel like I could cry right now. Life is bogging me down with nothing. I feel like this storm, or lack of storm, is keeping my life from going anywhere. I own a car. Whoopee. It's about the only thing I have going for me. I don't know whether or not I am moving out of my parent's house or not. I need money in order to do that. So from now on nearly all of my paychecks will be going into savings. Maybe by July I'll have found a decent place to move into. That would be nice. But I feel like I have been thinking to far beyond the now. I don't want to live in Utah for the rest of my life therefore I don't want to date anyone here. Besides all the Mormon boys here are way to preppy. I have never liked the culture here verses outside of Utah. If I had a choice I would have stayed in New Mexico or Colorado. I feel like I have been suffocating here. Especially living at my grandparent's house the first year or two. That was crazy. I had two sets of parents. I feel as if I have made little progress toward my own happiness in the three years since I have lived in Utah. I thought things would change but they aren't. I have tried to be happier and change the way I think about my situation but some days, like today, I just feel like crying. I just want to be happy and loved and cuddled. Nothing more then that.

If you read all of that I am sorry. But like I said I'm not having a very good morning.