my minds mind

I wish I knew what I was doing! I practically dropped out of school, I don't want to work, I don't want to do anything. Dad keeps telling me to get my act together and get a job. Well, he doesn't say it that harshly. I am never happy. I am always thinking in the back of my mind that I am disappointing so many people. I don't know where to turn or where to go. I am lost. Help me! The only time in my day that I am somewhat happy is when I am on FOJG. I feel like I am completely myself there. They know me and we are all there for one reason. We all love Josh's music. Yesterday, we were waiting for Wyatt to post information about the contest and it was a lot of fun. I feel like my family doesn't know who I am. That never take the time to ask me how I am doing. Well, that's not entirely true. Mom and/or Dad sometimes asks how my day went. I say fine and we move on. I just wish I could tell them everything without having to feel ashamed or having them yell at me. I want to tell them that I dropped all my classes but one this semester (and even that one is not going so well). I want to tell them that I don't feel loved here. I want to tell them that I don't like living here, that I need to leave for my own sanity. I want to go to California and start over. I want to go where no one knows who I am and change my life. I feel like if I have a huge change of scenery then I can figure out why life is worth living. Right now I feel like there is no point. I have felt this way before but I got through it. I know that there is beauty and love in the world because I see it and just can't get a hold of any.